i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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