So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
