She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
