i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
