Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
