My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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