I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just want nice things and good sex
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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