How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize
