Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
