I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize