Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
