recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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