eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I want a musical about memes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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