You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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