Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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