I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
