he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
