So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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