since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
