You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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