They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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