these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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