His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
