So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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