have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
