Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
