I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
