Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
