He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
