I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
