Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
