One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
