Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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