How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
