Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize