the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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