just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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