Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
