I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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