Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
