My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
