Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
