atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
