I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
