sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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