It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
