in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
