I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my sisters under your porch take her home
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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