His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
