So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
