Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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