Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
