you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
