drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
