i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
