dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
