Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
