Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
