I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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