Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
