I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
my liver is dry heaving
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
