Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I queefed so loud it echoed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
