I just threw up on my dentist
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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