Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
