Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
