Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
