we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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