I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
