Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
