My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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