Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
