I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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