Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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