My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
