I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize