if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
