I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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