how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
