im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
