apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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