in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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